Decisions to make

I've some decisions that I need to make regarding the direction that my future will take. Before I make these decisions, I made a list of priorities and these hopefully will help me choose the right course of action.

1) my marriage (time spent with my wife, etc)
2) my health (time spent working out, losing weight, more sleep, etc)
3) my job
4) my education (time spent in class, homework, etc)

The reason that I need to make these decisions is that I'm at a point where something needs to change. I'm constantly tired (which comes as no surprise to anyone whose read this blog), I'm out of shape (again), I'm not spending much time with my wife, and I'm starting to really hate my job. The easiest change I could make is to stop going to classes. Then I'd be better able to spend time with my wife since I would get to bed earlier in the day and could be awake when she comes home. The problem with this solution is that it puts my degree back that much further. I could get a day job and quit working graveyards, but this solution has two drawbacks. First, I'd still be unable to take classes and I'd also be almost guaranteed to make less money, which wouldn't be good either. My wife thinks that I could find a job that would allow me to take classes and would pay me as well, but I have yet to see such a job, and if there was one, I wouldn't have the qualifications required. It looks like it would be in my best interest to stop taking classes until Sy is done with school and continue working at my job and making money. If any of you out there have any ideas or suggestions, please let me know.

I knew that scale would get even with me. It said 246 this morning. Dirty lying bastard. At least, it could just keep its story straight instead of teasing me. Still, it is lower than it used to say, so I think I'm going in the right direction. I made it to the gym this morning again and managed to sneak in about fifteen minutes on the elliptical runner. I've also started keeping a log of my workouts and what I eat. I think that this will help because I really won't want to write down that I ate a whole bag of Cheetos or anything like that. We'll see.

So very tired

I have no idea what the solution is, but I've got to get more sleep. I really think part of it is due to my lack of activity. Now that I've convinced myself to go back to the gym, I may be able solve this little issue. I'm just so very tired, of being tired. I'm trying to decide if I want to take classes this summer or not. I know that I should, but it would be really nice to spend more time with my wife and maybe get in some of the trips we've discussed. We'll have to see. Also, if I'm not in class for two or more hours a day, I'll be able to spend more time training for my triathlon.

I was a good boy yesterday and got to the gym. Managed thirty minutes on the elliptical runner. Believe it or not, the evil scale said 242. Now I know it's just screwing with me. We'll see what it has to say this morning.

Also, Happy Birthday Kent. Forgot to tell you on the phone Sunday. Hope it was a good one and you got whatever it was that you wanted.

Fatty McLardass

Thanks Dave. There is some truth to this statement, as I have avoided the gym for the past couple of weeks. No reason really except that I'm being a little bitch about going. It's not even like I hate it that much. I just can't find the motivation to go. I've been pretty lazy and down for a bit now and I really need to find some way out of the funk that I'm in. I've got to pull my shit together and start acting like a grown up. Just because I don't want to do something, doesn't mean that I don't have to do it. That's part of what being an adult is, and I really need to learn this lesson and take it to heart.

Not much else new in my world. I went to some disaster response training last week. It was pretty cool and I learned alot. Triage, building searches, all kinds of fun stuff. If nothing else, it's something to put on my resume.

I'm going to be a good boy and get to the gym this morning, even if it's just for twenty minutes on the elliptical runner. Better that nothing, though I'm afraid what that evil scale will say about me today.

Things I love

Some of my friends out in the blogosphere have been putting out lists of things that they love. Many of them have been beautiful and poetic and honest. I'm going to give this a try, but if I leave anything/one out, please forgive me.

Things I Love

My wife. Waking up and realizing I can go back to sleep. Snow. The smell of rain. First kisses. Honesty. Irony. Good self image days. Driving too fast. March Madness. Helping others. Working with power tools. That one thing that you do. Knowing I'm right. Camp fires. Friday night football back home. My family. Cold, cold Guinness. Compliments. The person I could be in my wife's eyes. Bacon cheeseburgers. Golfing. The mountains. Weddings. Laughing. Sports cars. The Sweet Pea Festival. Small town life. Mint chocolate chip ice cream. Lightning storms. Cleavage. Being held. My friends. Knowing it's okay to not have all the answers. Flirting. Cartoons. Being appreciated. Doing the right thing. Being at peace. Having money. Modern medicine. Long phone calls. Knowing that you know how much you mean to me. The idea of forever. Theological discussions. Coffee and chess at Theo's. Meeting new people. Being mysterious for no good reason. Victoria's Secret catalogs. Surprising people. Powerful music. The hip lift. Geeks in the Creek. Being there for my friends. The joy of sex. College. Cheesecake. Duck hunting. The Equinox Theater. Knowing it's okay to cry. Being loved. Making a difference.
Solitude. Midwest cooking. My father in law's shop. Clothes shopping with/for my wife. Projects that turn out. Living without fear. Learning something new everyday. All of you.

Tried to save myself, but my self keeps slipping away

NIN is good stuff. Makes you think. It's alot like Pink Floyd though, in that you can only listen to it for a little bit before it really starts to affect you.

Been having a bad week. Just worn out with no real end in sight. I'm definitely bunkering down in my bedroom this weekend with my homework and relaxing. Need to get caught up on both sleep and homework. For that matter, need to catch up with my wife. Haven't seen her all week, hope she hasn't forgotten about me. Might even watch some basketball. The Montana Grizzlies are in the Big Dance this year. Unfortunately, they have to play #1 Illinois in the first game, so they won't be there long.

Still haven't gotten back to the gym. Almost scared to see what that evil scale will say when I get back in. I'm going to register for my triathlon next week, thus locking me into doing it. One of the guys at work here was asking me if I'd run a twenty mile ridge run with him. He's crazy. I might run a 5k about two weeks before the triathlon to see where I'm at, but that's going to be the extent for this year.

Burned out

I need a vacation. Spring break is next week, and where will I be? Working overtime! Yeah me! I could use the money, but I could use the peace of mind that a vacation would bring more. I definitely need some sort of change. I've just been feeling so wiped out and stretched thin (not a word you'll hear often on this blog) that I find it hard to get excited about anything. This is probably why I didn't post anything last night. If I didn't have my wonderful wife to keep me sane, who knows where I'd be. I'm lucky to have her.

I haven't been to the gym since Thursday. Bad Kevin. I did do a bunch of handymanning out at my Mom's place in preparation for her selling it, so I think that should count for something, but I still need to get back to the gym.

I am a glorious man!

Okay, not really, but maybe if I think that way I can get out of this funk I seem to be in. I've just been kind of out of it lately, and nothing seems to be helping. I suppose I haven't tried drinking myself into a stupor yet, but that never seems to solve anything, and I hate puking. Maybe I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed. Working full time, classes part time, working out whenever I can sneak it in, I wonder why I could possibly be overwhelmed. Should probably drop something, but what? Work? School? A healthy lifestyle? None are very good candidates. Guess I'll just keep plugging away and see where it takes me.

I did get into the gym again this morning. Managed to only sneak in fifteen minutes on the elliptical runner, but it's better than nothing. I now know that there's a conspiracy against me, that evil scale said 248. I will have my revenge.

Love Buzz

Good song off the Bleach album by Nirvana.

It's funny to hear my classmates talking about spring break, and how they're heading wherever and knowing that I'll be here. That week I'll actually be putting in really long workdays and getting a little overtime in, which is nice, but not much of a vacation. Wish I could go to Cabo for a week. Probably not nearly as fun for a married man, but it'd still be nice just to relax for a week and not think about work or school. Maybe someday.

I'm hoping to get to do more traveling this summer. Maybe get back out to the West Coast, Seattle area. Definitely getting to Glacier this year and who knows where else. Have to get my camping in early this year, the fire season is looking to be long and miserable this year. I don't have overly much to say, but if I think of anything earth shattering, I'll let you know.

I did get back to the gym this morning. Decided that I'll try to have a good streak through March and see where that puts me. Would like to lose at least ten pounds by April. No fast food for Fatty this month. Used the elliptical runner for a half hour and did a lap around the circuit training area. That damn scale still says 247. It's a conpiracy, but by who?

Life's short but hard......

like a body building elf. Bloodhound Gang

Haven't exactly decided on how to title my posts, but decided this was such a great lyric I had to use it. As for the Bloodhound Gang, can you really go wrong with a band with an album named Hooray for Boobies? Or for that matter, a song titled, The Bad Touch? Good stuff all around.

The paper today says that Motley Crue is coming to Bozeman in October! I'm not sure, but I think they must have run out of money. Also Bone, Thugz, and Harmony will be here in March and Elvis Costello and String Cheese Incident will be here in April. Elvis would be a good show.

Work has been pretty boring, but my classes have been fascinating, so it kind of evens out. The truth is, the only time work is exciting is when something bad happens to someone, so I should be happy it's quiet.

A quick question, is it wrong/weird that the Victoria's Secret catalog that comes to the house is addressed to me? It kind of makes sense, since I'm the one doing the buying, but I'm sure that there are questions at the post office. If Sy starts dressing like a VS model, do I have to start acting like a soap opera guy?

I was a good boy today and went to the gym. I did a little over thirty minutes on the elliptical runner and felt good about it when I was done. The lying scale still says 247. It will pay for its insolence, I assure you.

The truth of photos.

Going to try a little something different this time. Just go with it and let me know what you think in the comments section. Here goes:

Was I really that skinny? Did I think those glasses were cool? I'm so glad I have no interest in politics, too many photos to come back and haunt me. She said "con amore siempre", so far so good. Let that be a warning, only write what you mean on photos, just like watch out who you're photographed with. Does she still hate me? For that matter, does she still love me? That was so beautiful, why doesn't the photo reflect that? The three amigos (stooges). Am I really that fat? Apparently long hair was not the way to go for me. Are we still that much in love? I sure hope so. Do I still look at her like that? Does she me? Why didn't anybody tell me about the frosting? I wonder if they still remember me? Was the Hawaiian shirt really necessary? If I never met her, would she be happier? Such beautiful children, maybe someday. Way too close to the buffalo, maybe that's why it chased me. So glad that Em took that picture. How many houses ago was that picture? I'm so very sorry it didn't work out. Where did you end up? Are you happy? Note to self, more photos. Did I ever love you, or was it just lust? Did it matter in the end?

This concludes my little experiment in directed stream of thought writing. I'm not going to read this for awhile and check the comments first. Just a note of explanation, "she" definitely refers to various people and this whole post was written while looking at old photo albums. Neat experience. The whole post is up for interpretation and if you think one applies to you, it just might.

By the way, the home scale says 238 and I didn't get to the gym this weekend, but did walk with Sy and did some handymanning at my mom's place this weekend. Will be in the gym this morning with the lying scale.